My life is getting more and more routine... Everyday it's waking up late in the morning, lunch at Food Ave, boring and dull lectures till 3.45pm, afternoon nap for 2 hours, dinner, then studies, and sometimes (on 2nd thought, make that 'often') makan at mamak with friends late late at night. Other than the mamak part, I really really really feel sick and tired of the same routine everyday... I want my life back!
They say studying Medicine can be a dehumanizing process. I have to agree with that. When one immerse himself in memorising all the facts and signs of diseases and microorganisms and parasites and drugs and biochemistry, it is inevitable that one will be feel so saturated with the facts that he begins to lose himself. I think I'm losing a grip on my identity, no, my very existence, here. I dun feel like an individual anymore, but more like a part of a crowd of study-weary ppl, all desperately yearning for a break that won't come until the horrifying finals is over in 84 days time, and that is only if we pass the horror of horrors in a med school called IMU.
But this is the path that I've chosen to take, and I'm fully aware of the challenges that I have to go thru even b4 I entered med school. I have no regrets watsoever, for I know that this is wat I want, to become a doctor. God pls help me to survive thru all this... I hope I'll still remain sane till the end of this long road...
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Monday, April 18, 2005
MEMORIES IN BANTING
When I 1st found out that the venue for our CG outing is changed to Pantai Morib, Banting, my initial thought was to avoid the trip. The mere thought of going to that badly polluted and rather bare beach was convincing enough to make me change my mind bout joining this CG outing. But God showed me that as long as the family of God gather together to set apart our time to him, the venue is totally irrelevant. It is the heart that matters.
The trip turned out to be a reflective walk down the memory lane, and also a memorable experience: for this is the very 1st time I witness a full water immersion baptism. In the church where I used to attend, baptism is conducted by sprinkling only a few drops of water on the person's head. Standing in the middle of the sea (the beach is really shallow) and watching my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ getting baptized (not to mention standing on top of a rather slimy and uncomfortable grime) was quite an experience. I can't help but wonder if this is how baptisms in the Sea of Galilee looks like during the time of Jesus...
My father 1st job was in Banting: he was a lorry driver back then. He always get rather sentimental everytime he brought us there, telling us stories of his past, like how he always rushes back to Klang in the evening so that he could take my mum (they were still dating then) to the cinema in time. This is probably my 3rd or 4th time in Banting, but it is the 1st time that I look upon the town and imagine how my father's life was when he was working there. It must have been quite a long way back in time... He have achieve much since then, building up his company from scratch until wat it is now.
The journey to Banting itself has been wonderful too. We sang all kinds of worship songs in the van, and there are many songs sung then that I've not sang for a long long time. Recalling the songs again brought back a lot of fond memories... The times when I 1st joined the youth fellowship in church, all the joy, pain, struggles, disappointments, encouragements, victories... I can't help but felt really sentimental then. The wonderful times, and also the period of depression and despair, and ultimately the time of re-commitment and maturity... Things that were lost, and found... Years-long prayers that have finally been answered... Praise God for all that!
We took a wrong turn on the way back from Banting, and ended up in Jenjarom. I was musing if we would pass by this particular place during the ride, and to my pleasent surprise, we did! When I caught sight of the buildings, I know at once that I've been to this place, 7 years back, when I'm still waiting for my UPSR results. It is a Buddhist temple/monastery, and I've went there back then for a Buddhist camp which my aunt practically forced me to go. Some of the memories are rather pleasent, like all the obstable course the scouts of the town has prepared for us (kinda like a cross between Broga Camp & IMU Orientation); others are less pleasent but nevertheless memorable: like having to pour water into ur plate after u finish ur meal and drink it up so that nothing will be wasted (imagine doing that after a meal of FRIED noodle). Look at the buildings with nostalgia, I can't help but wonder how many ppl have been there, seeking Truth as I was in the past, and I wonder how many of them realize that the answers can only be found at some other place...
I guess this entry must have been really disconnected and vague... But I guess this is how memory is. Not so much of a series of clear pictures arranged chronogically, but more of a recalling of strong emotions associated with images in a random fashion. Like a kaleidoscope...
Yup, a kaleidoscope of memories...
The trip turned out to be a reflective walk down the memory lane, and also a memorable experience: for this is the very 1st time I witness a full water immersion baptism. In the church where I used to attend, baptism is conducted by sprinkling only a few drops of water on the person's head. Standing in the middle of the sea (the beach is really shallow) and watching my beloved brothers and sisters in Christ getting baptized (not to mention standing on top of a rather slimy and uncomfortable grime) was quite an experience. I can't help but wonder if this is how baptisms in the Sea of Galilee looks like during the time of Jesus...
My father 1st job was in Banting: he was a lorry driver back then. He always get rather sentimental everytime he brought us there, telling us stories of his past, like how he always rushes back to Klang in the evening so that he could take my mum (they were still dating then) to the cinema in time. This is probably my 3rd or 4th time in Banting, but it is the 1st time that I look upon the town and imagine how my father's life was when he was working there. It must have been quite a long way back in time... He have achieve much since then, building up his company from scratch until wat it is now.
The journey to Banting itself has been wonderful too. We sang all kinds of worship songs in the van, and there are many songs sung then that I've not sang for a long long time. Recalling the songs again brought back a lot of fond memories... The times when I 1st joined the youth fellowship in church, all the joy, pain, struggles, disappointments, encouragements, victories... I can't help but felt really sentimental then. The wonderful times, and also the period of depression and despair, and ultimately the time of re-commitment and maturity... Things that were lost, and found... Years-long prayers that have finally been answered... Praise God for all that!
We took a wrong turn on the way back from Banting, and ended up in Jenjarom. I was musing if we would pass by this particular place during the ride, and to my pleasent surprise, we did! When I caught sight of the buildings, I know at once that I've been to this place, 7 years back, when I'm still waiting for my UPSR results. It is a Buddhist temple/monastery, and I've went there back then for a Buddhist camp which my aunt practically forced me to go. Some of the memories are rather pleasent, like all the obstable course the scouts of the town has prepared for us (kinda like a cross between Broga Camp & IMU Orientation); others are less pleasent but nevertheless memorable: like having to pour water into ur plate after u finish ur meal and drink it up so that nothing will be wasted (imagine doing that after a meal of FRIED noodle). Look at the buildings with nostalgia, I can't help but wonder how many ppl have been there, seeking Truth as I was in the past, and I wonder how many of them realize that the answers can only be found at some other place...
I guess this entry must have been really disconnected and vague... But I guess this is how memory is. Not so much of a series of clear pictures arranged chronogically, but more of a recalling of strong emotions associated with images in a random fashion. Like a kaleidoscope...
Yup, a kaleidoscope of memories...
Sunday, April 17, 2005
MISUNDERSTOOD
I've come to realize that perhaps there isn't any unlikeable person in the world after all, just that there are some that we do not understand. It's harder to dislike someone who is hated by many once we get to know them better. It's funny how I would once join in the crowd to hurl all kinds of insults and come up with all kinds of gossips bout her, but now that I've seen the nice side of her, I can't help but suspect that I juz dun really know her well...
She dun deserve the insults she got, cuz she juz isn't that kind of person. Somehow her public image juz got distorted everytime she's out there speaking to the crowd. Perhaps it's juz her nature to be authorative and taking control of the situation... I know if someone told me to juz stop being hyper and loud, I would juz tell him that it's impossible, cuz that IS me. Maybe it's the same for her...
Many have criticized and talked bad about her, and I can see that she really is deeply affected by them, and she juz doesn't deserve them... Perhaps if all of us can look at ourselves b4 we 'pass judgements' on others, we can understand juz how hurtful and wrong our words are...
She dun deserve the insults she got, cuz she juz isn't that kind of person. Somehow her public image juz got distorted everytime she's out there speaking to the crowd. Perhaps it's juz her nature to be authorative and taking control of the situation... I know if someone told me to juz stop being hyper and loud, I would juz tell him that it's impossible, cuz that IS me. Maybe it's the same for her...
Many have criticized and talked bad about her, and I can see that she really is deeply affected by them, and she juz doesn't deserve them... Perhaps if all of us can look at ourselves b4 we 'pass judgements' on others, we can understand juz how hurtful and wrong our words are...
Sunday, April 10, 2005
PEACE
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.
2 Corinthians 12:7-9
2 Corinthians 12:7-9
My soul is filled with an incredible sense of peace for the past few weeks, praise God! Yes, now I'm sure that God has gave me the answer to my prayers. It is totally unexpected, I must admit, and although I know the 'whys', I'm still trying to find out 'how', so that God's name can be glorified. I used to think that he would remove or resolve my problem, but now I realize that it's there so that I'll be more dependent on him; so that my faith on his grace will increase!
If this is his will, than I'll submit to it. Nevertheless, I think God is telling me to share my burden to a fellow brother as well, one whom I can trust completely, one who would understand my plight. And I think I know juz the person to look for... If only I could gather the courage to do so.
I guess none of us feel comfortable exposing our weaknesses to others, cuz it makes us so vulnerable and all. Yet, I can't help but be reminded of Psalms 27:1-
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life-
of whom shall I be afraid?
Oh how I longed to juz let it out to someone! Yet at the same time, I can't help but fear if the timing is right... and if the person is willing to share this burden of mine, since he seems to be drowned in his own private problems...
Perhaps it's God's will for the both of us to help each other out... Guess I'll juz have to wait upon God till then... And wait I shall!
Thursday, March 31, 2005
RELEASE
I nv thought I'll say this... But here it is: I'm so sick of studying!!! I desperately need a break!!!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
...
Phew, that feels good... Now back to my preparation for Respiratory System exam tomorrow...
)=
...
Phew, that feels good... Now back to my preparation for Respiratory System exam tomorrow...
)=
Monday, March 28, 2005
TROUBLES' BREWING IN SEC SKOOL
If any of u read the Chinese newspapers lately, u'll probably come across one particular SMJK Kwang Hua which has some internal problem among the... dang wat do u call that in English? Board of Directors? School Committee? U get wat I mean. Well, here's a really brief synopsis of wat has happened lately:
There's 2 Kwang Hua school that share the same piece of land, 1 bigger than the other. The smaller 1 is a private school, while the bigger one is a national type school, u know, owned by the government but still have heavy emphasis on the Chinese language (Sekolah Menengah Jenis Kebangsaan). For the past few years, SMJK Kwang Hua's principal, Mr. Chua, have brought the school to a totally new heights. In fact, it's on the verge of being given the status of 'quality school' (I dunno wat they call it in English). His contribution to the school since the few years that he's principal, is nothing short of an amazing feat.
The number of students entering SMJK Kwang Hua has increased tremendously year after year: Currently, there are 16 classes of Form 1 student, and each class has about 50 students! The school is facing the problem of classroom shortage, and there are many students whose request to enter the school have to be turned down bcuz of the lack of facilities. The reason why it is such a popular choice among the primary school students is because it is 1 of the only 2 SMJKs in Klang, and the reputation is by far the better one. I'm not boasting here, Kwang Hua IS the most popular SMJK in Klang, and 1 of the best in Selangor. It is one of the few government school where one can learn the Chinese language as part of the normal curriculum (in national school, one has to take extra classes after school hours in order to learn the Chinese Language, & classes will only commence if only there's at least 15 students who are interested in a particular school).
And therefore, the principal suggested to the Board of Directors (I'll juz call it that way la - oh the commitee is consisted of ppl from both SMJK & the private school) to build 4 extra classrooms to fit in more students. A noble idea, rite? Apparently not from the directors from the private school. As the SMJK grows larger year after year, the smaller private school seems stagnant (it's actually the least favoured Chinese private school among the 4 private Chinese schools in Klang). The very idea of building more classrooms seems to them as a threat, bcuz it would have means that the government-owned school will claim more land for their project, and their own school will possibly dwarved even more the mere size of the SMJK. They are worried that 1 day, the government will claim the ENTIRE land, including the private school's, as government property, and therefore causing an extinction of yet another Chinese private school.
Now b4 u guys think that these ppl are paranoid & all, this kind of things do occur from time to time. Many of the ppl involved in the Chinese education do not fully trust the government for securing their interest in the continual education of the Chinese language. There is a long history of struggle behind the development of the chinese education system in Malaysia, and let's juz say that the government isn't very sympathetic with the cause. These ppl believe that given the chance, the government will totally wipe out all sorts of Chinese language classes (not to mention Tamil) from the education system, with the propaganda of racial unity and harmony.
Back to our story. The principal & some of the other commitees/directors from the SMJK were unhappy with the decision. After all, their concern are nobly aimed for the students. After much fruitless arguments, a new committee is formed in the SMJK, where all the members are from the SMJK and in support of the classrooms building project. It was sacrilegeous to some of the ppl from the original commitee (espeacially those from the private school), as the BOD has always consists of members from both schools since its beginning (eventhough the SMJK has always been the majority lately). To create a totally new BOD is something so immoral to them, they express their outrage all over the Chinese newpapers.
The issue has been going on for some time now, and now the education ministry is about to intervene: They're transfering the principal of SMJK Kwang Hua to somewhere else! The very same principal who have did so much in the efforts of improving the quality of the school in the very short years he has served as school principal! Granted, not many ppl enjoy his over-idealistic personality and occasionally wild mood swings, but he has done much for the school and only hopes to improve it further. Yes, he should have deal with this issue more diplomatically and all, but he juz dun deserved to be transfered from the school that he loved so much!
My mum wanted me to call all my friends from secondary school to request their parents to sign a petition in school tomorrow to retain the current principal.. To be honest, I find that an almost impossible task, since many of my friends are either in oversea now, or we have lost contact already.. But I guess I'l have to do wat I can to help out la.. Although I nv liked the principal's attitude, I have to admit that he has been a very efficient and dedicated principal and deserved to enjoy serving the school he loves for the last few years of his career b4 his retirement.
So to all ex-Kwang Hua student, pls help support the cause!
There's 2 Kwang Hua school that share the same piece of land, 1 bigger than the other. The smaller 1 is a private school, while the bigger one is a national type school, u know, owned by the government but still have heavy emphasis on the Chinese language (Sekolah Menengah Jenis Kebangsaan). For the past few years, SMJK Kwang Hua's principal, Mr. Chua, have brought the school to a totally new heights. In fact, it's on the verge of being given the status of 'quality school' (I dunno wat they call it in English). His contribution to the school since the few years that he's principal, is nothing short of an amazing feat.
The number of students entering SMJK Kwang Hua has increased tremendously year after year: Currently, there are 16 classes of Form 1 student, and each class has about 50 students! The school is facing the problem of classroom shortage, and there are many students whose request to enter the school have to be turned down bcuz of the lack of facilities. The reason why it is such a popular choice among the primary school students is because it is 1 of the only 2 SMJKs in Klang, and the reputation is by far the better one. I'm not boasting here, Kwang Hua IS the most popular SMJK in Klang, and 1 of the best in Selangor. It is one of the few government school where one can learn the Chinese language as part of the normal curriculum (in national school, one has to take extra classes after school hours in order to learn the Chinese Language, & classes will only commence if only there's at least 15 students who are interested in a particular school).
And therefore, the principal suggested to the Board of Directors (I'll juz call it that way la - oh the commitee is consisted of ppl from both SMJK & the private school) to build 4 extra classrooms to fit in more students. A noble idea, rite? Apparently not from the directors from the private school. As the SMJK grows larger year after year, the smaller private school seems stagnant (it's actually the least favoured Chinese private school among the 4 private Chinese schools in Klang). The very idea of building more classrooms seems to them as a threat, bcuz it would have means that the government-owned school will claim more land for their project, and their own school will possibly dwarved even more the mere size of the SMJK. They are worried that 1 day, the government will claim the ENTIRE land, including the private school's, as government property, and therefore causing an extinction of yet another Chinese private school.
Now b4 u guys think that these ppl are paranoid & all, this kind of things do occur from time to time. Many of the ppl involved in the Chinese education do not fully trust the government for securing their interest in the continual education of the Chinese language. There is a long history of struggle behind the development of the chinese education system in Malaysia, and let's juz say that the government isn't very sympathetic with the cause. These ppl believe that given the chance, the government will totally wipe out all sorts of Chinese language classes (not to mention Tamil) from the education system, with the propaganda of racial unity and harmony.
Back to our story. The principal & some of the other commitees/directors from the SMJK were unhappy with the decision. After all, their concern are nobly aimed for the students. After much fruitless arguments, a new committee is formed in the SMJK, where all the members are from the SMJK and in support of the classrooms building project. It was sacrilegeous to some of the ppl from the original commitee (espeacially those from the private school), as the BOD has always consists of members from both schools since its beginning (eventhough the SMJK has always been the majority lately). To create a totally new BOD is something so immoral to them, they express their outrage all over the Chinese newpapers.
The issue has been going on for some time now, and now the education ministry is about to intervene: They're transfering the principal of SMJK Kwang Hua to somewhere else! The very same principal who have did so much in the efforts of improving the quality of the school in the very short years he has served as school principal! Granted, not many ppl enjoy his over-idealistic personality and occasionally wild mood swings, but he has done much for the school and only hopes to improve it further. Yes, he should have deal with this issue more diplomatically and all, but he juz dun deserved to be transfered from the school that he loved so much!
My mum wanted me to call all my friends from secondary school to request their parents to sign a petition in school tomorrow to retain the current principal.. To be honest, I find that an almost impossible task, since many of my friends are either in oversea now, or we have lost contact already.. But I guess I'l have to do wat I can to help out la.. Although I nv liked the principal's attitude, I have to admit that he has been a very efficient and dedicated principal and deserved to enjoy serving the school he loves for the last few years of his career b4 his retirement.
So to all ex-Kwang Hua student, pls help support the cause!
PERSONALITY TEST
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid Disorder: | Low |
| Schizoid Disorder: | Low |
| Schizotypal Disorder: | High |
| Antisocial Disorder: | Low |
| Borderline Disorder: | Low |
| Histrionic Disorder: | Moderate |
| Narcissistic Disorder: | Moderate |
| Avoidant Disorder: | Moderate |
| Dependent Disorder: | High |
| Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: | Low |
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! -- -- Personality Disorders -- | |
Saturday, March 26, 2005
KILL BILLs
I've juz watched Kill Bill, both Vol. 1 & 2, in one go, for almost 4 hours... And the 1st word that came to my mind after I finished watching both was a big "WOW...". Ya I know, the movies are a bit old by now, and I've watched Vol. 1 for at least 5 times or so, but I nv get to watch Vol. 2 (excluding once when I gave up watching it halfway due to the horrible quality of the DVD) until now. Many of my friends told me that Vol. 2 is a long bore, which really perplexed me bcuz most of the critics love it more than Vol. 1...
Now that I've finally watched both, here's my verdict: I love Kill Bill Vol. 1 for its relentless energy & cool fight scenes, but I loved Kill Bill Vol. 2 even more for its unpredictable plot development & emotional resonance. After watching Kill Bill Vol. 1, one would have expected Vol. 2 to have more cool, slick fighting scenes and mass killings & all, but it turns out to be the opposite. No, there are still plenty of fight scenes to satisfy hardcore action fans, but there's much more depth to the characters too, espeacially after we know more about their motivation & all.
One thing I really dun expect how the movie turned out is how it actually acquired a tone of melancholy & sadness during the climax of the film. When the audience realize that the whole revenge thing actually originate from a misunderstanding (albeit it's of epic proportion), and each characters' are motivated out of love (with variable consequences), it's hard not to sympathize with Bill & Beatrix (aka The Bride). And it also comes as a surprise that The Bride is not the heroine going after all the villains after all. All of them ARE villains, who are capable of some good sometimes. The Bride is sort of a "good" character only bcuz her newly acquired motherhood motivates her to abandon her dark past behind for the sake of her daughter - and therefore, she's more of a "villain turning a new leaf".
I really love the portrayal of mixed emotions at the climax of Vol. 2; Never have I ever seen love & hatred mingled so perfectly. It is weird, but amazingly, it's thoroughly believable.
So izzit perfect? Well, yes & no. Yes, bcuz the whole of Vol. 1 & 2 is really entertaining, but really, it really can use some trimming. There are parts of the movie that aren't really vital, and there are MANY scenes that could be shortened without harming the overall plot advancement. Quentin Tarantino is juz too obsessed with his masterpiece for any scissors to harm it. I think a little bit of editting (read: trimming) would do this movie a great deal of good!
Still, it's undeniable that Kill Bill is a good movie, and yes, I mean movie, not movies. It should be a single film if not for the overlong length of the film, and I really hope that the "one-film" edition will be sold one day! K, 'nuff said. Kill Bill is now 1 of my fav movie, & I'm officially a Quentin Tarantino fan! >=)