Friday, October 20, 2006

Discomfirting Thoughts

One drawback with 'going solo' in my faith (as a reader of my blog puts it) is that I tend to have this general sense of aimlessness. While I have some general principles to ground my belief on, I sometimes don't know how am I supposed to explore around it. I guess there's where church life comes handy, since it continuously generates oppurtunities for the masses to 'serve God and the people'. But I can't help but feel that it's merely a way to continually satisfy the needs of the people to do something, yet at the same time nothing is done, or at least, nothing that can leave any lasting impact is being performed. It's like one long, meaningless, complex web-like relationships that church-goers exercise together in order to create a false sense of meaning and purpose in their life, within their community.

Although I dislike the forced service and insincerity that are often associated with such activities (I admit, I do see genuine sincerity in certain individuals), I guess it is better than doing nothing at all. I have a serious problem in applying my faith now to everyday life, since I just can't find a situation in which I can actually react according to my faith. Such laid-back, passive faith-life is making me very uneasy, yet at the same time, I don't have any idea what am I supposed to do to solve it.

On another note, I realise that the concept of morality is gradually detaching, slipping away from my view of Christianity. As the emphasis on love and forgiveness grow stronger, the moral significance of the so called "sinful acts" starts to deteriorate in me. I guess this can be interpret in 2 ways: either I'm growing less and less judgemental, or I'm suffering from moral decay. 2 very different explanations, which one is true?